dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
