bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
