and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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