I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
