Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
