i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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