my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this just has baby written all over it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
