i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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