um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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