Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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