My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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