Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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