How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
