ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
