oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
