too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
