She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
