umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize