is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
