so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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