So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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