someone get that fucking seahorse.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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