so explain again why im purple
no
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
