are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
