Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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