How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
