i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
