He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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