Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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