Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
