Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
