Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
