I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
