She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
