I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
