It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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