Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
