we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
