I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
