bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
