Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
