Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
