Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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