My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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