just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
