broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
