he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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