Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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