I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
