he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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