thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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