I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
