plz talk dirty to me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
