The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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