ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
