You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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