After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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