Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
