3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
