yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
