1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize