You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
