I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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