ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
