so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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