On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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