You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
