Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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