He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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