Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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