Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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